excerpt from choosingtherapy.com:
There are many signs that weaponized incompetence is occurring, such as overhearing someone say they are not sure they can do an action, are not sure how to do it, or do not have the time to learn how to do it. The one similarity across these signs is the sense that responsibility will soon be handed off to someone else.
Here are seven signs of weaponized incompetence:
One major sign of weaponized incompetence is when a person completes a task poorly on purpose with the intent of passing on the responsibility to others. It sends the message that this person cannot be trusted with future tasks, thus you will be less likely to ask them for help again.
If you find yourself taking on a lot of work, projects, or tasks in any manner of setting–whether it’s with a family member, spouse, friend group, or at work–this can be a sign that you are experiencing weaponized incompetence. It may seem easier to complete the tasks ourselves, instead of trying to get the other party to perform an adequate job.
Be aware if you are feeling manipulated or taken advantage of, as you may be dealing with weaponized incompetence. People who purposefully perform badly do so to manipulate you and use your generosity for their own pleasure.
If you are feeling alone in your efforts when working on tasks or projects that need to get done, weaponized incompetence may be to blame. In many situations, it’s common for others to be delegated certain responsibilities. But, if you constantly feel like you are alone and without support, this is definitely a red flag.
Trust is important for any kind of relationship. If you have trust, you are able to rely on a person for fulfilling wants or needs. When there is a lack of trust, they have shown you in the past that you cannot rely on them. Humans are flawed and there may be times when people truly have the intent to support you, but are not able to for their own reasons unrelated to weaponized incompetence. However, be mindful of when you feel chronically let down.
When you are doing too much for others all of the time, you begin to feel drained and burnt out. If you are asking for help and support from important people in your life, but they continually fail to provide this (excluding instances of valid barriers), it’s typical and expected for you to become exhausted. We all need support.
There are common phrases used by people (person A) who abuse weaponized incompetence, that in turn produce common responses in those they use it on (person B).
Phrases used by people who employ weaponized incompetence may include:
Person A phrases:
I don’t know how to do that.
I’m going to mess this up.
You are definitely more equipped to do this.
I don’t have time–can you do it?
If I do this, I will mess it up.
That’s not something I’m good at.
I did it so badly last time, so you should just do it.
Person B responses:
I’ll just do it.
Why are you doing it that way?
You did it that way before.
You won’t mess it up, but if you need help let me know.
Let me handle it.
Never mind, I can do it.
Has your boss ever weaponized incompetence against you?